Finally

I once made a promise that i would try my best not to be emo. And i did try my best. But it seems like "my best" is not good enough to stop these strong emotions from coming.

Yes I'm emo. it's not because i'm stressed. Stressed for what? Common tests? I didn't feel worried about H3 Final, why would i care abt CTs? SAT? i dont even know if i really want to go there. SMO? Haha...Nothing can really make me stressed now because i donn't even try to do well. I already lost my will to fight long time ago. I dont know why. I dont know how. I dont even know when i started losing it. I just know that I'm not the person i used to be anymore. Dont know if it's good or bad. I dont know many things. When was the last time i fought so hard for something and felt extremely happy when i got it?

I took the longest bath ever, in cold water, just hoping i would get sick so i could relax, take a rest and forget about the world. but again, it was not enough to bring me down. well, i'm strong! Yes, i told myself i had to be strong. A guy must be tough. Tears are for the girls. I haven't shed a tear for so long i dont even remember how to do it. emotionless? I hope not. But now i realize all these things are stupid. Who says boys cannot cry? who says boys must always be tough and strong? Why do i have to always act strong when deep down inside me, i know i'm not. My friend was crying. And i was jealous with him. I wish i could cry also.

It's so unlike me to write this. But is it really me? I know i dont make much sense now but it doesn't seem like i care much abt it. I wrote this post for me to read anyway. It's good to write all these things out. One day i will read this again and i'll laugh at myself when i realize how much of an idiot i was. Blogger please don't block my account please.

To all my friends who are the faithful followers of this blog, im' really happy and grateful to have all of you around as my friends. trust me. i know you would be worried about me. But it's okay, i'll forget about everything the moment i wake up tomorrow. I've trained myself to be someone like that, someone "strong". I would really appreciate if no one asks me anything about this. Please.


Finally. i need to change. but how? i'm smart, so i can figure that out. right?